This post may contain affiliate links, which means I’ll receive a commission if you purchase through my link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.
When I found out I was pregnant, I had no idea what was in store for me, but I did know immediately that I wanted to practice gentle parenting. I am a huge advocate for breaking the cycle of generational trauma, and healing in every way we can so that we don’t continue unhealthy and abusive cycles, and pass them onto our children.
This post is all about how to discipline a one year old with gentle parenting.
I am a new mom, so I’m still trying to figure all of this out as I go. I have been a nanny and preschool teacher for many years though, so I have some practice and education on what works and what doesn’t.
During my pregnancy and through my son’s first year of life, I did tons of research on gentle parenting and how to practice it. I read extensively on how to properly reason with a child and speak their emotional language instead of hitting or shaming them. I took in all the information I could find on this new age method of parenting so that when the time came to use it, I would be a pro.
The Stage I Never Thought About
Unfortunately, I never saw anyone talk about the stage between infant and toddler, when your child can get in a whole lot of trouble but can’t understand what you’re saying when you try to reason with them. My world changed when my son started walking. He started getting into everything he could reach, running up the stairs the second I turned around, and crawling up the back of the recliner that would dangerously lean further back, the closer he got to the top. I would pry him off, set him down, and redirect him, and he would just run to the next dangerous thing he could find. It was exhausting.
I would find myself yelling “No Elijah, don’t go up those stairs”, and he would stop, look back at me and then climb another step. “Elijah.. No no no. Don’t you do it.” He wouldn’t even look back, he’d just keep climbing. I would stop what I was doing, grab him off the stairs, and get more toys out trying to keep him busy, and the cycle would repeat itself. This was not working and I had no idea how to discipline a baby who didn’t understand the world yet.
I soon found that avoiding the need for discipline or redirection worked a WHOLE lot better. Instead of disciplining someone who doesn’t understand discipline, try creating an environment without the need for discipline.
A Need for Change
Looking around, I realized that there were things in every corner that my son wasn’t supposed to get into. We were going to keep up this chase for months if I didn’t make some changes, and I wasn’t willing to keep this cycle going.
One year old’s are extremely curious. The world is brand new to them. They are discovering textures and sensory objects in every day, mundane objects that we don’t think twice about. If you don’t allow them to express that curiosity and tell them “no” every time they get near something interesting, they are going to want to check it out even more. It will always be more interesting than anything you try to redirect them to.
Create a Safe Space
When I realized this, I decided I needed to create a safe space for my son so that he could run around and explore and I wouldn’t be chasing him around and yelling “no” every five seconds. Our floorplan was pretty open, so this took some creativity, but I was able to turn out living room into a safe space for him to explore and play.
I put a gate around the bottom of the stairs and would build a barrier first thing in the morning out of a bench and some dining room chairs laid horizontally to block the kitchen off (I would have needed a really long gate to block that area off, and I didn’t want to spend the money because we were moving soon.) We took down the barrier in the evening, but it helped keep me sane and allowed me to get more done during the day. I picked up all the cords and moved the picture frames from the lower shelves on the entertainment center. It was a little messy and definitely not aesthetically pleasing for a while, but it worked.
I even purchased a portable baby monitor that I could put in the living room so that I could be in the kitchen washing bottles and still keep a close eye on him. It was ten feet away, but I couldn’t see him well so I felt better about being able to see the whole room on the monitor.
This post is all about how to discipline a one year old with gentle parenting.
Give Them Something to Climb
Babies LOVE to climb. It is a new way for them to explore the world and use their muscles, so it is great for them, but it can be very dangerous. Giving your child something that is specifically for climbing is a great way to avoid dangerous climbing.
I bought this Little Tikes Slide from a garage sale for five bucks, and you can always find them on marketplace for super cheap if you don’t want to buy it brand new. My son spends hours climbing up and down it. If he starts climbing the recliner or something he’s not supposed to, I grab him and set him on the ladder of the slide and he exhausts that need on the safer climbing toy.
Provide an Outlet for Their Developmental Needs
Babies and toddlers have developmental needs that they express in ways that can be really frustrating. Climbing is one example, but one that drives me crazy is when my son opens dresser drawers and starts pulling the nicely folded clothes out one by one and throws them on the floor. I soon found that these were signs that he didn’t have an outlet for these needs, so I created one that would be a lot less frustrating.
You can use a laundry basket, a bucket, a large bowl, or any container really. Fill it with colorful scarves, bandanas, or wash clothes and set it in your safe space. Your child can pull each scarf out one by one and it can help keep them from wanting to practice on your dresser drawers.
If your child is doing something frustrating or dangerous, it is always a good idea to google why they are doing it. There is usually a reason for it. Once you know the reason, you can find ways to correct the behavior by creating a safer outlet.
Allow Them to Safely Explore Unsafe Areas
Sometimes all it takes for your child to stop getting into something dangerous is to satisfy their curiosity. When my son became fascinated with the stove and was always pulling on the oven handle, I was worried about him managing to get into it while it was hot. We sat down together in front of it and I let him explore it and look around for awhile without me pulling him away immediately. Though I know he couldn’t understand me, I told him it was dangerous and that he was not allowed to touch it without help from mommy or daddy. He soon lost interest and walked away and we haven’t had issues with it since.
Allowing your child to do dangerous things in safe ways will not only quiet their curiosity, but it will also teach them to problem solve and make better choices when they get older.
This post is all about how to discipline a one year old with gentle parenting.
Practice Makes Perfect
This is a great time to start practicing gentle parenting. Your child doesn’t understand all of the words you say yet, so it’s not a big deal if you mess up a whole bunch. Even if they don’t know what you’re saying, it is great to talk to them as if they can. Not only does it help with their language development, but it allows you time to figure out what you want to say in certain situations when they CAN understand you.
Coming from a family that spanked and yelled, sometimes when I am practicing gentle parenting, the words feel really awkward and uncomfortable coming out. They can come out wrong and jumbled, and I spend a lot of time correcting myself or thinking ways I could have handled a situation better so I am thankful I have this time to get it figured out first.
Discipline Vs. Punishment
If you plan to practice gentle parenting, it is important to understand the difference between discipline and punishment.
Punishment is inflicting a penalty and often suffering on a child after an offense is committed. It often involves hitting, spanking, blaming, shaming, time out, and aggressive language.
This typically looks like yelling, spanking, time out, and taking away loved items, food, or privileges.
Discipline is teaching a child an alternative behavior or skill so they can handle future situations better. It often involves recognizing the emotional and developmental needs of the child to better understand and correct their behavior.
This typically looks like setting boundaries, allowing natural consequences to occur, helping the child to regulate emotions, and teaching them ways to better handle situations.
This post is all about how to discipline a one year old with gentle parenting.
Big Feelings are Normal
Children are not born with the ability to reason or to regulate their emotions. We have to teach these things. They start feeling the same big emotions that adults feel at around 7 months old. They feel fear, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. before they can even talk and long before they can fully understand why they are feeling those things.
It’s our job as parents to teach our children the proper skills to handle their emotions. People often think that gentle parenting is coddling and raising kids without respect. Nothing could be further from the truth. Gentle parenting is about understanding science and psychology and understanding that teaching does a lot more for a child than corporal punishment.
The Truth About Traditional Parenting
The same way children can’t regulate their emotions, they also can’t understand that they are being hit because they did something wrong. Their brains cannot differentiate between abuse and punishment. When a child is hit, cortisol (the stress hormone) rises in their bodies and tells the child they are in danger. This can cause permanent psychological damage. Many studies have been done that show spanking leads to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, and long term mental health problems.
Putting a child in a room by themselves or in time out causes feelings of isolation and emotional abandonment. Shame is a form of emotional abuse that can cause self esteem issues, which can lead to even greater issues long term. Yelling causes behavioral problems, anxiety, depression, stress, and other emotional issues.
Gentle parenting is not to coddle children or raise them without discipline and respect. Consequences and boundary setting is still a very important part of this parenting style. The goal is to avoid the issues discussed above. It is to raise a more compassionate and empathetic generation, and to help children grow into emotionally healthy adults. It is to break the cycle of generational trauma.
[…] How to Discipline A One Year Old With Gentle Parenting […]